Annette
12-10-2005, 10:48am
A friend introduced me to this. It's kinda fun especially if you know a bit about Denmark:funny:
Denmark
From Uncyclopedia
The Cross of St Legolas, patron saint of Denmark"A donut with no holes is a Danish!" - Oscar Wilde on Denmark
Denmark, also known as Legoland, is a floating island on the North Atlantic Ocean. It is often mistaken for the Capital of Sweden. That is wrong, the capital is actually Norway.
Quick facts
Norway, Greenland, Tasmania, Finland, Faroe Islands, Very Northern Germany, China and Iceland are all part of the Commonwealth of Denmark.
For many years Denmark has been gathering armies and plotting to invade the United Kingdom. Which they actually succeeded many years ago. Both the famous city New York and the English York has bin named by the Danish King Valdemar
One of the secrets behind the Danes being so rich is that Danes never get old. It is common for an average Dane to die when they have reached the age of 30. Simply because of drinking to much beer. This way Danes work and pay huge taxes, and never gets a share of the money they’d paid. Only the Danish politician stays away from the Danish deadly beer.
The main exports of Denmark are Great Danes, Salted heering, meatballs, bacon, butter cookies, plastic bricks, windmills, ceramic car bumpers, pastries, Andersens, Christensens, Jensen and expensive deadly alcohol. They are also said to have been the founding fathers of Danish Pastry, even though most Danes don't actually have a clue on what it is.
The Danish flag is made in Estonia and was sold by Estonian spice merchants for 2 beers on the 15 June 1219. The buyer was King Valdemar who liked Estonian beer very much.
Population
The people of Denmark are a hardy people of high stature and sturdy build, mostly with blonde or red hair, often painted or tattooed with blue paint à la Mel Gibson. Their clothing is predominantly furs, taken from wild but interesting furry animals - though the use of hemp has been documented, along with what are often called ancient bongs - and the traditional fighting gear: Chain mail, chain mail, short sword or axe, small round shield, horned helmet and horned helmet
Religion
The predominant religion of Denmark is Confusianism, they were all converted by King Harald Blåtand. Originally the people of Denmark were of Islamic faith. The population number remains yet unknown as infant sacrifices are quite common among the Danish traditions though abortion is highly illegal. In the early 20th century, large parts of the population converted to Industrialism.
Main temples are situated in Copenhagen and are called bilka. Copenhagen is refered in religious literature as "Shopping Mecca". This name uncovers deep Muslim roots of Modern Denmark. Every follower of Industrialism in Denmark should always carry an artefact, received in a temple. This artefact may be carried only in plastic box (called madpakke) and should be eaten in time of Siesta.
Fauna
The hardiness of the Danish people is no doubt in part due to the large amount of vicious wild animals constantly being preyed on by such vicious people intent on invading England. Although most of the country is a frozen wasteland, Denmarks most hated enemy, England, managed to introduce a foreign species to the country, the speckled blight weasel, which managed to decimate the countries economy by simply running around in circles thus confusing the Danes into thinking there was something wrong with the weather and they all stayed home in fear of an impending storm.
Contemporary history
Denmark was discovered by the German Rudolf von Müll in the late 19th century. Shortly thereafter the unique traits of Denmark were discovered, namely that it actually floated on water. The name Denmark is a combination of the chinese words "Denei" and "Markuinishu" being "Worthless" and "Lazy", a label applied to the Danish population by Chun Li, the great leader of The Chun Li Dynasty. These words eventually were adopted as the official name of the nation and holds true to this day.
Fiji, claiming to be the one and only superpower, fought a bitter war against the rest of the world in 1932 over the island in what has now become known as the WWI½. After being colonized by Fiji, the master country exported thousands of slaves to the South American country of Chile. Those slaves are known as Chiléd Danes. To make the most out of the island that Fiji had fought so hard to get, they began leasing it to other countries as a dump. The floating island sails regularly between the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and obtains most of the world's radioactive waste.
Because of pressure from environmental activists, who claim that Denmark "stinks", Fiji has promised to move the island to the South Pole, claiming that the smell will come off sooner in the cold. Also by the terms of this deal Fiji is also obliged to build a Club Merde on Denmark (not around Denmark) as a cheap holiday destination for the Japanese and Australians, and provide an ABBA tribute band every night of the year, including New Years Eve where they are to provide 15 ABBA tribute bands, and that band that does "Agadoo".
Language
Most linguists have come to believe that the Danish language, sounding approximately as a seal with pneumonia holding a potato in its mouth, is indeed most closely related to Sealese, though some dispute this and think a relation to Penguinese to be more likely. The sealists have gained an upper hand recently, with the argument that there have been longstanding contact between native Danes and Seals. Indeed, after the great Seal invasion in prehistoric times, they often inhabit the same territory, with Danes having numerous habitations on Greenland since the landing of Erik den Roede, and the invading seals having a large remaining colony in the marshes of south-west Denmark, the so-called "Tønder Marsk".
On the other hand, the Penguinists argue that the vocabulary and phonemes of Danish much resemble Penguinese, and that the Penguins obviously have a much superiour culture and language, much more likely to be copied from. However likely, many argue against it because the contact between these two groups have arguably been non-existent in the relevant time period, the Penguins residing only in the southern hemisphere in present times.
A fringe group of linguists - of an obviously tarnished and sinister character - contend that Danish is instead closely related to Engrish and Greman but, such ridiculous and pseudo-scientific claims can be given little merit.
The latest research puts forward the theory that the Danish language was created by drunk Norwegian Vikings, that having been drunk, got lost and ended up in Denmark. This theory comes from the fact that Danes can understand drunk Norwegians, but not sober ones.
Culture
The rich and manifold cultural life of Denmark has been influenced in large part by the more civilized and advanced culture of the white race, with which they have been in contact with for several centuries. The Danes have incorporated that great white mice tradition of running in little treadmills for a bloody good while and spending their spare time eating, mating and drinking.
As of yet it seems that the Danes have not discovered that this is in fact an ingenious cover, intended to make the white mice seem innocuous and non-threatening while they monitor their newest large-scale experiment, Luxembourg.
It appears that the Danes whilst producing such talents as Hans Christian Andersen and Søren Kierkegaard, both very good Doctor Whos, are not quite smart enough to realise the real white mice. However, some argue that Danes are also just pretending not to know while laying their sinister plots, the argument against being, however, that they can't be that good at acting, or the Bodgy Broadcasting Corporation and the parliament would have recruited the entire population en masse already.
Ancient Danish culture centres around the great Kronborg castle in Elsinore. The castle was original build by Og the Magnificient in 1214 over the objections of Queen Oggette. Construction was finished in record time and the queen was eventually drown in the moat since, as one Danish ka-niggit put it, "the lady doth protest too much!". Her ghost is said to be living under the castle and having affairs with various ancient Danish heroes.
Eventually, the castle was turned into a theater by Og's son, Bard the Bog, who was quoted as saying "the play's the thing". Unfortunately, for Danish theatergoers everywhere, Bard gave away the ending by telling the public that Hamlet (and everyone else) dies in the last act. The entire story was later plagiarized by William Shakespeare and used by George Lucas as a model for future Star Wars prequels.
Economy
Danish economy is based on the system of nursing homes (called by danes plejehjem). People are forced to work, because only diligent wokers may reserve places in nursing homes. The main goal of ordinary dane is to spend his or her last days in plejehjem, being cared by young people, who will take their place in future. Some people even save money so they can retire faster and move to a nursing home.
The second pillar of Danish economy is lottery. According to the most recent research (made in 2005) 99.66% of the Danish population take part in different kinds of lotteries. Actually there is only one Great Lottery combined from the small lotteries controlled by the government. It uses all recieved money to support nursing homes.
Travel Information
Denmark is a lovely counrty to visit.
Things To See
Bornholm. The ZEN art of denmark. If you would like the ULTRA zen art of denmark, go to Christiansø, not far.
The Queen of Denmark, one of the world's most prominent nicotine addicts.
If you climb a very, very high tree, you will be able to see Moscow from Denmark.
Denmark is the best place to see native Danish-speakers in their natural, albeit flat, habitat.
The Great Jutes, Denmark's greatest mountain range, measures up to two metres at its highest point.
The bridge with a funny name connects Denmark with Sweden, allowing Swedes to come and buy cheap alcoholic beverages in Denmark. If you are lucky, you might see Carl XVI Gustaf, the King of Sweden, buying loads of beer for the weekend.
Beer, i need a beer now.. please a beer...
Things To Say
Here are some helpful tips and phrases which may come in handy during your travels in Denmark.
Tak (thank you) - so you can say "tak for kaffe (coffee)" or "tak for mad (meal)" or "tak for grøn tuborg".
Tuborg Grøn (Green beer) - very good, very cheap. Canadians endorse it. Danes drink it everywhere... malls, work, school, in slurpees at 7-11 etc.
Tuborg Gold' - good strong beer. Canadians also endorse this beer. A nice beer for the beach
Soft Ice (Soft Ice cream) - you will get a cone as big as your head - VERY well endorsed. You can have it with merigue on top as well as chocolate sauce, marmelade, and a big marshmallow chocolate covered cooky on top.
Auto-bus - If you see one huge van you know it's either a day trip for the challenged or tourists. They don't take those round intersections very well. Tires pop easily and the Danish take no responsibility for flat tyres.
Nøgenstrand (Nude Beach) - Mostly Germans, mostly men, mostly hairy and mostly FLuthhhhh bellied.
Benzinstation (Service Stations) - Cokes cost about 6.00CDN and the only candy you can get are salty black licorices. If you go to Denmark bring snacks.
****spurt - If you see this sign in a store they ARE NOT being rude about your morals - it just means "BIG Sale" or something like that.
Udsalg - Same thing a sale or possibly "for sale".
Kartoffel (Potatoes) - Danish potatoes that is. Y0U must know secret hand signal to purchase.
Grøntsager' (Vegetables) - no secret hand signal required.
FLuthhhhh (fat) - Stick out your toungue when you say this. Call people fluthhh if they weigh a lot more than they should - it's ok to ridicule them.
Knibtang (pliers) - You will need them if you like flat fish like flounder
Mandag (Monday) - they have different words for every day of the week. Just like us - Torsdag - somethingelsedag etc etc
Seks (six) - The only place it does not mean "six" is behind the Central Train Station in Copenhagen.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Denmark
Denmark
From Uncyclopedia
The Cross of St Legolas, patron saint of Denmark"A donut with no holes is a Danish!" - Oscar Wilde on Denmark
Denmark, also known as Legoland, is a floating island on the North Atlantic Ocean. It is often mistaken for the Capital of Sweden. That is wrong, the capital is actually Norway.
Quick facts
Norway, Greenland, Tasmania, Finland, Faroe Islands, Very Northern Germany, China and Iceland are all part of the Commonwealth of Denmark.
For many years Denmark has been gathering armies and plotting to invade the United Kingdom. Which they actually succeeded many years ago. Both the famous city New York and the English York has bin named by the Danish King Valdemar
One of the secrets behind the Danes being so rich is that Danes never get old. It is common for an average Dane to die when they have reached the age of 30. Simply because of drinking to much beer. This way Danes work and pay huge taxes, and never gets a share of the money they’d paid. Only the Danish politician stays away from the Danish deadly beer.
The main exports of Denmark are Great Danes, Salted heering, meatballs, bacon, butter cookies, plastic bricks, windmills, ceramic car bumpers, pastries, Andersens, Christensens, Jensen and expensive deadly alcohol. They are also said to have been the founding fathers of Danish Pastry, even though most Danes don't actually have a clue on what it is.
The Danish flag is made in Estonia and was sold by Estonian spice merchants for 2 beers on the 15 June 1219. The buyer was King Valdemar who liked Estonian beer very much.
Population
The people of Denmark are a hardy people of high stature and sturdy build, mostly with blonde or red hair, often painted or tattooed with blue paint à la Mel Gibson. Their clothing is predominantly furs, taken from wild but interesting furry animals - though the use of hemp has been documented, along with what are often called ancient bongs - and the traditional fighting gear: Chain mail, chain mail, short sword or axe, small round shield, horned helmet and horned helmet
Religion
The predominant religion of Denmark is Confusianism, they were all converted by King Harald Blåtand. Originally the people of Denmark were of Islamic faith. The population number remains yet unknown as infant sacrifices are quite common among the Danish traditions though abortion is highly illegal. In the early 20th century, large parts of the population converted to Industrialism.
Main temples are situated in Copenhagen and are called bilka. Copenhagen is refered in religious literature as "Shopping Mecca". This name uncovers deep Muslim roots of Modern Denmark. Every follower of Industrialism in Denmark should always carry an artefact, received in a temple. This artefact may be carried only in plastic box (called madpakke) and should be eaten in time of Siesta.
Fauna
The hardiness of the Danish people is no doubt in part due to the large amount of vicious wild animals constantly being preyed on by such vicious people intent on invading England. Although most of the country is a frozen wasteland, Denmarks most hated enemy, England, managed to introduce a foreign species to the country, the speckled blight weasel, which managed to decimate the countries economy by simply running around in circles thus confusing the Danes into thinking there was something wrong with the weather and they all stayed home in fear of an impending storm.
Contemporary history
Denmark was discovered by the German Rudolf von Müll in the late 19th century. Shortly thereafter the unique traits of Denmark were discovered, namely that it actually floated on water. The name Denmark is a combination of the chinese words "Denei" and "Markuinishu" being "Worthless" and "Lazy", a label applied to the Danish population by Chun Li, the great leader of The Chun Li Dynasty. These words eventually were adopted as the official name of the nation and holds true to this day.
Fiji, claiming to be the one and only superpower, fought a bitter war against the rest of the world in 1932 over the island in what has now become known as the WWI½. After being colonized by Fiji, the master country exported thousands of slaves to the South American country of Chile. Those slaves are known as Chiléd Danes. To make the most out of the island that Fiji had fought so hard to get, they began leasing it to other countries as a dump. The floating island sails regularly between the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and obtains most of the world's radioactive waste.
Because of pressure from environmental activists, who claim that Denmark "stinks", Fiji has promised to move the island to the South Pole, claiming that the smell will come off sooner in the cold. Also by the terms of this deal Fiji is also obliged to build a Club Merde on Denmark (not around Denmark) as a cheap holiday destination for the Japanese and Australians, and provide an ABBA tribute band every night of the year, including New Years Eve where they are to provide 15 ABBA tribute bands, and that band that does "Agadoo".
Language
Most linguists have come to believe that the Danish language, sounding approximately as a seal with pneumonia holding a potato in its mouth, is indeed most closely related to Sealese, though some dispute this and think a relation to Penguinese to be more likely. The sealists have gained an upper hand recently, with the argument that there have been longstanding contact between native Danes and Seals. Indeed, after the great Seal invasion in prehistoric times, they often inhabit the same territory, with Danes having numerous habitations on Greenland since the landing of Erik den Roede, and the invading seals having a large remaining colony in the marshes of south-west Denmark, the so-called "Tønder Marsk".
On the other hand, the Penguinists argue that the vocabulary and phonemes of Danish much resemble Penguinese, and that the Penguins obviously have a much superiour culture and language, much more likely to be copied from. However likely, many argue against it because the contact between these two groups have arguably been non-existent in the relevant time period, the Penguins residing only in the southern hemisphere in present times.
A fringe group of linguists - of an obviously tarnished and sinister character - contend that Danish is instead closely related to Engrish and Greman but, such ridiculous and pseudo-scientific claims can be given little merit.
The latest research puts forward the theory that the Danish language was created by drunk Norwegian Vikings, that having been drunk, got lost and ended up in Denmark. This theory comes from the fact that Danes can understand drunk Norwegians, but not sober ones.
Culture
The rich and manifold cultural life of Denmark has been influenced in large part by the more civilized and advanced culture of the white race, with which they have been in contact with for several centuries. The Danes have incorporated that great white mice tradition of running in little treadmills for a bloody good while and spending their spare time eating, mating and drinking.
As of yet it seems that the Danes have not discovered that this is in fact an ingenious cover, intended to make the white mice seem innocuous and non-threatening while they monitor their newest large-scale experiment, Luxembourg.
It appears that the Danes whilst producing such talents as Hans Christian Andersen and Søren Kierkegaard, both very good Doctor Whos, are not quite smart enough to realise the real white mice. However, some argue that Danes are also just pretending not to know while laying their sinister plots, the argument against being, however, that they can't be that good at acting, or the Bodgy Broadcasting Corporation and the parliament would have recruited the entire population en masse already.
Ancient Danish culture centres around the great Kronborg castle in Elsinore. The castle was original build by Og the Magnificient in 1214 over the objections of Queen Oggette. Construction was finished in record time and the queen was eventually drown in the moat since, as one Danish ka-niggit put it, "the lady doth protest too much!". Her ghost is said to be living under the castle and having affairs with various ancient Danish heroes.
Eventually, the castle was turned into a theater by Og's son, Bard the Bog, who was quoted as saying "the play's the thing". Unfortunately, for Danish theatergoers everywhere, Bard gave away the ending by telling the public that Hamlet (and everyone else) dies in the last act. The entire story was later plagiarized by William Shakespeare and used by George Lucas as a model for future Star Wars prequels.
Economy
Danish economy is based on the system of nursing homes (called by danes plejehjem). People are forced to work, because only diligent wokers may reserve places in nursing homes. The main goal of ordinary dane is to spend his or her last days in plejehjem, being cared by young people, who will take their place in future. Some people even save money so they can retire faster and move to a nursing home.
The second pillar of Danish economy is lottery. According to the most recent research (made in 2005) 99.66% of the Danish population take part in different kinds of lotteries. Actually there is only one Great Lottery combined from the small lotteries controlled by the government. It uses all recieved money to support nursing homes.
Travel Information
Denmark is a lovely counrty to visit.
Things To See
Bornholm. The ZEN art of denmark. If you would like the ULTRA zen art of denmark, go to Christiansø, not far.
The Queen of Denmark, one of the world's most prominent nicotine addicts.
If you climb a very, very high tree, you will be able to see Moscow from Denmark.
Denmark is the best place to see native Danish-speakers in their natural, albeit flat, habitat.
The Great Jutes, Denmark's greatest mountain range, measures up to two metres at its highest point.
The bridge with a funny name connects Denmark with Sweden, allowing Swedes to come and buy cheap alcoholic beverages in Denmark. If you are lucky, you might see Carl XVI Gustaf, the King of Sweden, buying loads of beer for the weekend.
Beer, i need a beer now.. please a beer...
Things To Say
Here are some helpful tips and phrases which may come in handy during your travels in Denmark.
Tak (thank you) - so you can say "tak for kaffe (coffee)" or "tak for mad (meal)" or "tak for grøn tuborg".
Tuborg Grøn (Green beer) - very good, very cheap. Canadians endorse it. Danes drink it everywhere... malls, work, school, in slurpees at 7-11 etc.
Tuborg Gold' - good strong beer. Canadians also endorse this beer. A nice beer for the beach
Soft Ice (Soft Ice cream) - you will get a cone as big as your head - VERY well endorsed. You can have it with merigue on top as well as chocolate sauce, marmelade, and a big marshmallow chocolate covered cooky on top.
Auto-bus - If you see one huge van you know it's either a day trip for the challenged or tourists. They don't take those round intersections very well. Tires pop easily and the Danish take no responsibility for flat tyres.
Nøgenstrand (Nude Beach) - Mostly Germans, mostly men, mostly hairy and mostly FLuthhhhh bellied.
Benzinstation (Service Stations) - Cokes cost about 6.00CDN and the only candy you can get are salty black licorices. If you go to Denmark bring snacks.
****spurt - If you see this sign in a store they ARE NOT being rude about your morals - it just means "BIG Sale" or something like that.
Udsalg - Same thing a sale or possibly "for sale".
Kartoffel (Potatoes) - Danish potatoes that is. Y0U must know secret hand signal to purchase.
Grøntsager' (Vegetables) - no secret hand signal required.
FLuthhhhh (fat) - Stick out your toungue when you say this. Call people fluthhh if they weigh a lot more than they should - it's ok to ridicule them.
Knibtang (pliers) - You will need them if you like flat fish like flounder
Mandag (Monday) - they have different words for every day of the week. Just like us - Torsdag - somethingelsedag etc etc
Seks (six) - The only place it does not mean "six" is behind the Central Train Station in Copenhagen.
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Denmark