tower
03-03-2006, 8:11pm
Well dear reader, I have this wonderous journey to look forward to in just a weeks time:
Atyrau to Amersterdam 8.5 hours - Amersterdam to Toronto 7.5 hours -Toronto to Timmins 1.5 hours. Leave my Hotel in Kazakhstan 0600 Hrs on Thursday the 9th of March, only to arrive in Timmins 2350 Hrs the same day (9 hour time gain flying east to west), Thursday 9th of March total flight time 17.5 hours with the rest of the 25.50 hours total spent hanging about Airports waiting to checkin or depart.
To get back on Timmins time, I will drop my rig bag at the house and head right to Nikki's for a stiff drink until they throw me out at 2am local. I will then sleep for at least 12 hours and wake up with no jet lag and totally on local time.
I should write a book, How to Survive flying 'cattle class' (economy) on the World's Airlines, with special chapters such as:
Surviving the Check in
Getting on-line for free from Major International Airports
101 things to do in the departure lounge
101 things to do in the departure lounge once you have been refused an upgrade to business class or to use the business/1st class lounge
How to get both armrests before you finish final takeoff checks
The real meaning of in flight announcements.... For example "We are sorry to announce that we are in a holding pattern for Toronto Pearson due to runway congestion and will be landing about 20 min late" Translates to "We are sorry but we did not calculate the take off weights correctly and have to circle the Airport burning off excess fuel before we can land"
"Due to equipment failure - the in flight meals will not be as advertised" means "Our ground catering staff are on strike again for a decent wage"
How to get someone to swap seats with you when they clearly do not want to.
How to fit in an Aircraft Toilet and lock the door before removing clothes OR how to fit in a Dash 8 Aircraft Toilet at all (very important one for those flying to Timmins)
How to get that 3rd or 4th drink after a main meal
How to get ANY drink after a meal (Yes that happens)
What to do if you luggage goes on a World tour without you
How to avoid sitting next to young children
How to eat any meal in economy/cattle class without dropping everything on the floor.
How to pickup anything you drop between your legs without getting stuck on the rear of the seat in front.
How to find anything in an overhead locker (GPS locator helps but don't forget to switch it off on landing and takeoff)
How to get a second meal after you have eaten the first one thinking it was the starter.
How to get the exit lane seats (most important one that for those over 5 foot 10 inches tall)
How to find the film for your flight in the in house magazine.
How to get the headphones to fit your ear and actually work
What to do if you do not fit in the seat (just about anyone over 5 foot 10 inches will NOT fit in a British Airways or KLM ecomomy seat) There is NOT a simple self help guide in the pocket in front of you.... So Steal the Air hostess canvess bucket seats and set it up in the Galley.
What to do when the SOB in front of you puts his seat right back until his head is just about in your lap! I have noticed only MEN do this guys... sort it out!
How to get a good sleep on a Jumbo Long Haul flight... Locate the crew rest area, pretend to use the washroom and memorise the Pin number. Use the crews rest room for remainder of flight. OR (better if you can't afford 1st Class) Avoid flying, take a boat, train, horse, mule, bike ANYTHING but flying steerage or cattle class!!!!!
There I gave you a few answers for free.. I don't care what the experts say, a good stiff drink before, after and during a flight helps!!!! You will get all the in flight exercise you will ever need pressing the call button. Most Airlines have hand picked the cabin staff to ignore that feature.
Oh and as for in flight entertainment, well you will find a first time flyer or two on most congested flights, that is always good for a laugh, or there is the flight map to study, normally much better than the in flight movie and it is shown more often than not while the in flight movie was supposed to screen because the cabin staff have forgotten (again) to start the tape.
Happy holiday season everyone, enjoy your flights - thank you for flying with Notts Oil and Gas ;)
Atyrau to Amersterdam 8.5 hours - Amersterdam to Toronto 7.5 hours -Toronto to Timmins 1.5 hours. Leave my Hotel in Kazakhstan 0600 Hrs on Thursday the 9th of March, only to arrive in Timmins 2350 Hrs the same day (9 hour time gain flying east to west), Thursday 9th of March total flight time 17.5 hours with the rest of the 25.50 hours total spent hanging about Airports waiting to checkin or depart.
To get back on Timmins time, I will drop my rig bag at the house and head right to Nikki's for a stiff drink until they throw me out at 2am local. I will then sleep for at least 12 hours and wake up with no jet lag and totally on local time.
I should write a book, How to Survive flying 'cattle class' (economy) on the World's Airlines, with special chapters such as:
Surviving the Check in
Getting on-line for free from Major International Airports
101 things to do in the departure lounge
101 things to do in the departure lounge once you have been refused an upgrade to business class or to use the business/1st class lounge
How to get both armrests before you finish final takeoff checks
The real meaning of in flight announcements.... For example "We are sorry to announce that we are in a holding pattern for Toronto Pearson due to runway congestion and will be landing about 20 min late" Translates to "We are sorry but we did not calculate the take off weights correctly and have to circle the Airport burning off excess fuel before we can land"
"Due to equipment failure - the in flight meals will not be as advertised" means "Our ground catering staff are on strike again for a decent wage"
How to get someone to swap seats with you when they clearly do not want to.
How to fit in an Aircraft Toilet and lock the door before removing clothes OR how to fit in a Dash 8 Aircraft Toilet at all (very important one for those flying to Timmins)
How to get that 3rd or 4th drink after a main meal
How to get ANY drink after a meal (Yes that happens)
What to do if you luggage goes on a World tour without you
How to avoid sitting next to young children
How to eat any meal in economy/cattle class without dropping everything on the floor.
How to pickup anything you drop between your legs without getting stuck on the rear of the seat in front.
How to find anything in an overhead locker (GPS locator helps but don't forget to switch it off on landing and takeoff)
How to get a second meal after you have eaten the first one thinking it was the starter.
How to get the exit lane seats (most important one that for those over 5 foot 10 inches tall)
How to find the film for your flight in the in house magazine.
How to get the headphones to fit your ear and actually work
What to do if you do not fit in the seat (just about anyone over 5 foot 10 inches will NOT fit in a British Airways or KLM ecomomy seat) There is NOT a simple self help guide in the pocket in front of you.... So Steal the Air hostess canvess bucket seats and set it up in the Galley.
What to do when the SOB in front of you puts his seat right back until his head is just about in your lap! I have noticed only MEN do this guys... sort it out!
How to get a good sleep on a Jumbo Long Haul flight... Locate the crew rest area, pretend to use the washroom and memorise the Pin number. Use the crews rest room for remainder of flight. OR (better if you can't afford 1st Class) Avoid flying, take a boat, train, horse, mule, bike ANYTHING but flying steerage or cattle class!!!!!
There I gave you a few answers for free.. I don't care what the experts say, a good stiff drink before, after and during a flight helps!!!! You will get all the in flight exercise you will ever need pressing the call button. Most Airlines have hand picked the cabin staff to ignore that feature.
Oh and as for in flight entertainment, well you will find a first time flyer or two on most congested flights, that is always good for a laugh, or there is the flight map to study, normally much better than the in flight movie and it is shown more often than not while the in flight movie was supposed to screen because the cabin staff have forgotten (again) to start the tape.
Happy holiday season everyone, enjoy your flights - thank you for flying with Notts Oil and Gas ;)